Parents must have a strong sense of their moral authority, of having the right to be respected and obeyed.

In the 1960s, a great many adults lost confidence in their moral authority. During this same period, Diana Baumrind, a psychology professor at the University of California at Berkeley, began to do research showing that adult authority, properly exercised, is vital to children’s and teenagers’ moral development.

By observing families firsthand, Baumrind identified three styles of parenting: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. Authoritarian parents used a lot of commands and threats but little reasoning. Permissive parents were high on affection but low on authority. By contrast, authoritative parents combined confident authority with reasoning, fairness, and love:

Subsequent studies documented the effectiveness of authoritative parenting with teens. Temple University psychologist Laurence Steinberg and colleagues studied twenty thousand adolescents and their families in nine different communities across America. They found that teens with authoritative parents were the most confident, persevering, and successful in school and the least likely to abuse drugs or alcohol. 8

To establish an authoritative parenting style—and it’s never too late to start—we should aim to have a zero tolerance policy for disrespectful speech and behavior. Nearly all children will slip into disrespect now and then, but when they do, they need immediate corrective feedback (“What is your tone of voice?” “You are not allowed to speak to me in that way, even if you’re upset”). If we do not firmly and consistently correct such behavior, we will find our tolerance zone for disrespect getting wider and wider—and our children’s disrespectful attitudes getting steadily worse. If we allow kids of any age to get away with being disrespectful, they will quickly lose respect for our moral authority. And if they don’t respect our moral authority, they won’t respect our rules, examples, or moral teachings. They are also likely to be less teachable by other adults. https://articlebank.co.uk

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